1. |
Squash Club
01:51
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We're not allowed in the squash club
Because we got drunk before we showed up
Asked the DJ to play Iron Maiden
But that started the complaining
Oi!
Squash Club!
Tried to get in, they refused
Plates on the bar, olives and cashews
Women with false tattoos
Men with jeans and polished shoes
Oi!
Squash Club!
We don't come here to get fit
Just dancing to Maiden's hits
I'm not a Mason
Just feeling the bassline
Squash Club
Squash Club
Court's Wet
Kicked Out
Sitting politely eating quiche
Down the squash club with the nouveau riche
Even getting abuse in the loos
Smart men giving me their views
Oi!
Squash Club!
Managers a...
We don't give a...
Managers a...
We don't give a...
Managers a...
We don't give a...
No headbanging in the squash club...
Courts are all wet at the squash club...
No throwing pork pies at the squash club...
Vote Tory at the squash club...
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2. |
Shirt Boys
01:39
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Shirt Boys! (x4)
Shirt Boys - gonna come along
Shirt Boys - gonna right some wrongs
Shirt Boys - if you're gonna stalk
Shirt Boys - we're not gonna talk
Shirt Boys - action's what we is
Shirt Boys - not on wednesday, we're at the quiz
Shirt Boys - we're gonna come along
Shirt Boys - gonna right some wrongs
Shirt Boys - gonna finish marking
Shirt Boys - then we'll do some parking
Shirt Boys - we're not the A team
Shirt Boys - we've got more self esteem
Shirt Boys - we're not well attired
Shirt Boys - gonna get you fired
Shirt Boys!
Shirt Boys!
Shirt Boys!
Shirt Boys!
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3. |
Plasterhead
02:17
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Went to the barn dance
On a Saturday Night
Followed what they said
But I wasn't right in the head
I'd drank from The Bolt
And danced like a dolt
He saw my drunken plight
Showed me how to do it right
He had a shiny head
But it must have bled
Because it was... a plasterhead
Plasterhead don't tell me what to do!
I could have listened to him
(but) just looked at his head
He was old and thin
He was a... Plasterhead
Plasterhead don't tell me what to do!
He got a little bad
as my dancing was quite bad
I was put off my beat
because he was a plasterheid
Plasterhead don't tell me what to do!
Plasterhead, can you remember when you were young?
Having beer in the Yorkshire sun?
Wanting to go and have some fun?
Why? Why? Why?
Do you have a plaster on your head?
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4. |
I'll Trick or Treat YOU
04:35
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This song is all about the spooky vibe and the scary story, so we haven't written the lyrics out, apart from some of our favourite bits
Zombies... from Africa... or maybe Burnley
Spiders ain't spiders no more
Spiders in my cot
I walk with no zombie
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5. |
Thirsty Thursday
01:55
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helps you sleep on Sunday
go to work on Monday
wake up late on Tuesday
sleepwalk through Wednesday
then it's time for...
Thirsty Thursday, get some wine in
and drink it in front of Question Time
really need a drink, drink
We are the middle class
We need a bigger glass
really need a drink, drink
Thirsty Thursday, I've worked so hard
I've got the bottles and I'm going to start
really need a drink, drink
We are the middle class
We need a bigger glass
really need a drink, drink
Raise your glasses... to the middle classes
Saturday Guardian
Supplement on gardening
Watching Jeff Stelling
Waiting waiting waiting
to go down the pub, pub
bingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebinge
I'm middle class
bingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingebingeBINGE
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6. |
||||
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Face don't fit
in Hebden Bridge
We're not that poor
and we're not that rich
beaten by kids
wanting my chips
even folkies giving me gip
nobody loves a shirtboy
everybody thinks we're sh--
nobody loves a shirtboy
they say our faces don't fit
Face don't fit
in the Brasserie
valued customers
don't include me
didn't like my rapping
just led to some scrapping
nobody loves a shirtboy
everybody thinks we're sh--
nobody loves a shirtboy
they say our faces don't fit
face don't fit
in Llanberis
the landlord
he could not bear us
didn't stick around for breakfast
because we felt, rather detested
nobody loves a shirtboy
everybody thinks we're sh--
nobody loves a shirtboy
they say our faces don't fit
face don't fit
in Appletreewick
couldn't take no stick
from men in flat caps
think I had
a drunken lapse
nobody loves a shirtboy
we're like a broken toy
thrown out of the pram
we're like internet spam
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7. |
Pundles Eggs
01:18
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hey man, those hens, they've got legs, up there at Pundles Farm, they come to no harm, up at the farm, they're free range man, they're free range
Pundles Eggs!
Pity the fool who thinks the yolk's a joke at Pundles Farm
Pundles Eggs!
Because those eggs are Pundles Eggs
Pundles Eggs!
You don't get them at Tescos, you don't get them at Asda, you only get them at Pundles Farm, where the hens, they come to no harm
unless they're male and he throttles them...
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8. |
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It's a Coalition Christmas
lights are out tonight
snow is falling oh so bright
matchstick girl has a cruel cough
all because of Dave the toff
Coalition Christmas - we're all in it together!
Cable's dancing on TV
matchgirl's got a touch of TB
snow blocks the Scottish roads
watch as the deficit explodes
Coalition Christmas - we're all in it together!
Christmas! Together!
Granny's in bed at 4
Taking stockings down
She is scared to snore
Ice on her dressing gown
oh it's Christmas Time,
domestic violence with wine
the freezing homeless, they're doing just fine
let's sing a song while the Christmas tree burns
watch our brave leaders make more U turns
Gideon swings his axe
Santa is taken down
Nick has a nice relax
he eats some Christmas pud
all for the greater good
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9. |
||||
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ain't no preacher
I'm a failed teacher
couldn't face them any more
thought I'd even the score
I'm an Inspector
you really hate me
Mr Satisfactory
but you've gotta be able
so you can climb the table
I'm an Inspector
hang out the washing line
make sure that you're on time
write me a plan
make sure they understand
I'm an Inspector
got three days notice
wanna know your motives
keep you on your toes
may come to blows
of-of-of-ofsted in-spec-tor
of-of-of-ofsted in-spec-tor
I'm very lonely
no one wants to know me
BECAUSE I'M AN INSPECTOR
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10. |
||||
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We don't want David Gedge to beat us up for changing his lyrics so we haven't put them on here...
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11. |
||||
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We're already worried Metallica are going to sue us just for having this on here, so no lyrics... but enjoy the piratey vibes!
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12. |
Tell Sid Tough Shit
01:16
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TELL SID TOUGH SHIT, we just nationalised it!
TELL SID TOUGH SHIT, we just nationalised it!
buses
railways
directory enquiries
prisons
the pits
schools aren't free
the buses, they compete
soon it will be bus war
torpedos on the roofs
TJs... destroyed
Arriva!
Arriva!
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13. |
Dub Boys
03:26
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these lyrics are a subset of the lyrics to the original track Shirt Boys...
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